a good friend of mine always says that whatever you're doing during the rollover from the old year to the new is what you'll be doing all year. so this year, I attended a midnight yoga session. then finished an entry for a juried show. and today I'm leaving for a roadtrip with my partners in crime.
it's going to be a damned fine year.
with tamales!
this year, I resolve that if I can't insult someone at least as eloquently as this, I won't insult them at all:
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
- Abraham Lincoln
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in reply
in the dream, I am in a large van with my sisters, parents, a veterinarian and his nurse. I'm holding my cat who died over a year ago. the vet has just informed us all that after running a series of x-rays, he can see that my cat is filled with disease and will soon die. we should put him to sleep as soon as possible. His nurse agrees.and then my family bursts into crazy. my mom goes into whoa-is-me hysterics. my sisters begin to argue with each other about what we should do. my dad just sits there. he's not saying anything, but I can tell he's very, very upset. in the dream, the cat seems to be his.
the vet keeps pressing the issue. he wants to put the cat out of its misery right now. the nurse chimes in her agreement and the noise gets louder and louder...
so I look down at the cat. and I scratch his tummy the way I always did. and he closes his paws around my arm the way he always did. (I can feel it so clearly- the way he would get a little too excited and start to dig his claws in and I'd say, "oooww" and he would immediately withdraw his claws but continue playing). I can tell he's not in pain.
finally, loudly, I say, "LOOK! this is what's going to happen. he's not in pain right now, and my dad's not ready to let him go yet. so we're going to take him home and wait two days then I'll decide if we'll end this." everyone went quiet and nodded their acquiescence
I wish it was all so obvious in real life. I wish I had the wisdom to decide and the power to have the world fall in line with my choice.
no. I don't wish that at all.
I really wish that I didn't feel like I should be able to control everything. and I wish I wasn't so angry with myself when I can't.
anyone who knows me will tell you I try to cultivate good driving karma. I'm polite. cautious. mostly obedient to the laws. I don't rage. sure, I'm game for the occasional stoplight drag race or antagonizing an aggressively obnoxious driver. but generally, I'm a good driving citizen. and I believe it pays off for me in good parking spots and other drivers' courtesies.
however, good driving karma means nothing during the holiday season, I find. especially in mall parking situations.
yesterday, while looking for a spot, I spied one on the opposite side of the street. I went to the end of the block into a rotary to circle back for it. a white Lexus cut me off entering the rotary I was already in. I shrugged and continued on toward my intended parking space.
you can guess what happened next. after partially passing the parking space, Mr. Lexus decided he wanted it and stopped. but since I had planned on taking it, I was also there, and he needed me to back up so he could get into the spot. so he starts making furious hand signals to tell me to back up. and I make hand signals to say that I too wanted that spot. and then, he actually gets out of the car and comes to my window to tell me what he wants. he's at least 6 feet, grey haired, probably late fifties, wearing expensive clothes.
he says, "you need to back up so I can get into that space."
I said, "I just circled the block for that space and you already passed it." (and you illegally cut me off in the circle to boot)
he mumbles a few more things and flashes me the totality of his frustration. gets back into his car, puts it in reverse, and waits. makes more hand signals.
now, at this point, I could have squeezed around him and gotten into the spot. I could have just sat there and turned it into a standoff. but I'm lazy. and I don't choose to expend energy on that sort of thing. pick your battles and so on. so I shake my head, laugh, and put my car in reverse. when he parks and gets out, I roll down my window and say, "Merry Christmas!"
yeah, it was sarcastic. but not snotty. still, as I drive away, he is loudly regaling me with all the reasons he is right and I am wrong. and I know that for the rest of the day, he will feel triumphant in his moral victory. how do I know? because the lines in his face show that he steeps in righteous indignation quite regularly.
lose and laugh. it makes more attractive wrinkles.
I realized something interesting tonight on the yoga mat. my ability to focus is a weakness.
my mind doesn't race. normally. tonight, it was all over the place while I was trying to practice. sorting photographs. trying to solve a printing problem. what I'd eat for dinner. my sisters. a stupid tv show I watched. my nemesis. Blondie. Branson. submissions...
hell, I was composing this freaking blog post.
I don't usually have a problem focusing or being present. I'd say that's my usual state. in fact, I'm so focused on whatever singular thing I'm doing, that it often takes an act of god to switch my gears to something else. which is why it's a weakness. because life rarely allows for that. it's always a three ring circus and you're the ringmaster.
now wouldn't that be an odd outcome from a yoga practice? learning to let my mind multi-task and race and fly willy nilly at its leisure? to let it have some freedom from focus?
how am I supposed to loosen up to kill bunnies on the dancefloor without bloody marys?
about a Wiik ago, in a supply and demand induced frenzy, Sane Half bought a Nintendo Wii. it wasn't really his fault. it was the fault of Mii partners in crime who had been searching in vain for the wiley Wii. folloWiing leads to stores that were sold out. interrogaTiing employees about the next possible shipment. offeRiing bribes. coercing friends to also Kiip their eyes and ears to the ground.
stirring tHii deeply entrenched consumer/video game addiction in us both.
and now I have Wii elbow (Wiibow?) from playing too much Zelda and tennis. and I find myself typing strange lines:
how am I supposed to loosen up to kill bunnies on the dancefloor without bloody marys?
Blue Coyote Laughing (the drink):
Equal parts limoncello and tequila, roughly layered.
About 5ml of Blue Bols deposited in the centre using a straw.
"We got quite pretty colours and patterns by putting the Blue Bols in the middle and then gently rolling the glass between our palms. It made a little tornado inside the glass. It was a bugger to photograph. Inside my head it looks a bit different. The cloudy limoncello on the bottom, the tequila on top and the Blue Bols spiralling in the centre."
can't wait to try it! thanks, Sam!
he made a f***ing press packet.
!!!!!???!!!!!!
why is it that humans that go off to abuse and kill other humans always say, "I (we) didn't have a choice. you made me (us) do it." ?
all I can think at this moment is whether being a generally good person is good enough. what am I doing to make the world a better place?
so, you know I really hate to give in to the whole fear thing. but I have to admit I left my Capitol Hill(ish) rowhouse behind today in favor of a roadtrip. somehow, the equation of Hussein execution plus mass gathering of political elite for the Ford funeral just equaled queasy stomach for me.
